How do you find success on Tinder

Tinder users report: Few dates, aggressive pick-ups and a lot of frustration

Since 2012, Tinder has been promising its users to find suitable partners for flirts, one-night stands and relationships. The website speaks of a million dates per week and a total of over 30 billion matches. But when you talk to Tinder users, there are seldom success stories about sexual adventures or even great love. In fact, dates only come about with a few users. And sometimes they turn out to be a bitter disappointment.

Few matches, even fewer dates

Norwegian researchers have now measured the success rate of the online dating app. 269 ​​surveyed Tinder users - 62 percent of them women - had an average of just over 100 matches during the study period. At Tinder, a match means that two users find each other attractive - only then does the app allow contact to be made. These matches resulted in only two dates on average.

The findings of the researchers around Trond Viggo Grøntvedt, which were published in "Evolutionary Psychological Science": Those users who were able to initiate a one-night stand via Tinder usually managed to do so without the app. However, 80 percent of those surveyed did not get that far.

It is very difficult for a date to come about at all - because they require matches. Tinder uses the now notorious swipe mechanism for this. If you like a person, you swipe right. If you are not interested, you swipe to the left. Only if the other person swipes to the right can you talk via chat and, if necessary, arrange a meeting.

Aggressive responses to women

The study results reflect personal reports from users. "In general, it is quite difficult as a man to get matches at all. My girlfriends all have hundreds of matches, while my male friends have well under a hundred. When you have a match, you have to initiate a conversation. I would say that of more than half of them don't get anything back, even if you think about something and, for example, go into the photos and bio, "says user Stefan * of STANDARD.

Women, in turn, very often receive lewd messages from male users. Male users react very aggressively to rejection. Lucy * reports the following: "One time I wrote with a for a relatively long time, somehow he became more unsympathetic to me, and then I didn't feel like it anymore. He insisted on a meeting because it was in the room and 'it was now to be observed' had insulted me, because we would have fixed that, and he won't let himself be fooled now. When I say 'That doesn't make sense, we both want something else', he just gets more aggressive, we would have agreed that now and I would have to do that now! " She can still joke: "I felt like I hadn't read the Tinder terms and conditions correctly, where a match confirms a meeting! I guess I didn't read the fine print!"

Ghost problem

Even when it comes to a date, users have negative things to say. Stefan, for example, has been hosted several times - his dates just stopped contacting him. "Even after 'good' dates, you can never be sure that the person will think differently and suddenly stop answering and ignoring messages." Once a woman got up in the meantime, came back and said she had just spoken on the phone with someone she was actually in love with.

"Tinder is only there to collect people or even more so to get new Instagram followers," writes user Erich *. "Otherwise nothing will happen. Instagram is now the dating app." This is how Ricky Martin is said to have met his husband.

Positive experiences

But there are also quite a few positive experiences. User Stefanie * reports about a man she met through Tinder and with whom she went to bed on the first date. "He went to work the next day and said I should just slam the door when I go. I could have robbed him really easily. On the other hand, he could have killed me easily, since his risk was relatively small. Me went home at some point, still believing that he would never see him again. But he wrote to me again, wanted to see me again, we met the next day and almost every day after that. After two weeks we were together, after two months I moved in, a year later our son was born. Yes. That was unexpected. Thanks Tinder! " The author also knows of at least three other people who later married their Tinder date.

Psychological tricks

For the majority of users, however, there is no happy ending. Why Tinder is still so successful is explained, among other things, by the way the app works. As psychologists have already researched, the app's swipe mechanism can be addicting. Co-founder Jonathan Badeen once stated in a documentary that the mechanism was actually inspired by behavioral psychology.

In particular, users with low self-esteem tended to use such apps compulsively. Tinder is often used as if intoxicated, but leaves a feeling of emptiness. For some users, the dating app is just a non-binding pastime - according to a study from Germany, 41 percent of Tinder users already have a relationship.

In any case, Tinder or bad Tinder dates have now entered popular culture. On the Tumblr blog, for example, there is a hodgepodge of funny to weird chats and Tinder stories. There are countless articles and videos with Tinder fails on the net. (Birgit Riegler, December 1st, 2019)