Is it hard for you to be proud
When and what you can be proud of about yourself.
I don't know of any healthy parent-child relationship in which parents don't regularly express to the children how proud they are of them.
Every step in development is cheered with great enthusiasm, every unspectacular achievement is mentioned with praise, every lame picture is hung on the refrigerator, and when the children deliver the worst performance ever at the day care center:
Mother bursts with pride because the child is just there and looks sweetly around.
And it has to be the same:
This confirmation is absolutely essential for the development of the offspring and creates the perfect basis for further life.
If the children lack the feeling that their own parents are proud of them, they still pursue this even as adults: No matter how impressive and how great their success may be, they are only really satisfied with their own father's pride.
But do you know what the most beautiful thing is?
When you are so proud of yourself that you don't need outside approval.
The deep feeling of inner satisfaction and a positive view of yourself and your own achievements fills you so much that everything else is enjoyable, but not necessary. Cherry on top, so to speak.
How to do that, I'll write about it today.
1. Being proud of yourself is very important and beautiful.
Arrogance comes before the fall, pride goes first and shame behind, and in general pride is very frowned upon with us because it is automatically associated with arrogance.
Something like that is deeper in your mind than many of you suspect.
In fact, the opposite of pride is inferior.
Indifference / neutrality is a hidden inferiority.
Those who are “neutral” towards themselves and their achievements permanently undermine (unconsciously, of course) their potential and deprive themselves of their joie de vivre.
And nobody can seriously want that.
If you lack pride in yourself and your own achievements, you automatically start hunting for confirmation from outside: in real life, in social networks, among friends and family.
This is not just a constant up and down, but a dangerous behavior pattern on top of it, because if this confirmation is missing all of a sudden (because: no likes, separated from friends, criticism from the boss, argument with the mother), the low is inevitable and self-doubt about the Agenda (but more like this: "I can not do anything, I am nothing, nobody needs me.").
People who are constantly looking for outside approval are also always a bit exhausting - some obvious, some a bit more sophisticated, but the end result is always that you don't want to be around them all the time, even if you can't explain it .
To be proud of yourself means that you give yourself the inner confirmation and the applause: out of sheer joy and gratitude that you exist and that you are doing everything great.
If you are not used to this, it will seem terribly wrong at first (“Afterwards I will become conceited or megalomaniac”), but over time you will learn this inner “I am great and do it wonderfully” - to appreciate certainty very much.
By the way, this frees you from a bunch of self-doubt and doesn't allow you to question everything immediately when criticism comes from outside - pure inner strength.
To be proud of yourself = stand by yourself.
„OK, Joanna, but I don't even know what to be proud of about myself? I'm not doing everything great.“
2. Be proud of the unspectacular.
Whenever someone achieves something spectacular, everyone applauds.
One thing is clear: visible success is impressive, and praise is appropriate.
If you are not proud of yourself when it comes to visible success, you actually have a real problem.
It goes even deeper:
You are praised by others for things that are outwardly impressive.
But for the things that no one sees that take place inside - you have to be proud of yourself for that alone.
I love, love, love the inner things:
That where no one obviously applauds, pats you on the shoulder, and praises you in the highest tones.
If your life is currently “Spotlight on”, then you can and should enjoy it and celebrate!
But I want you to enjoy it and celebrate for yourself when no cheerleaders crowd around you.
I want you to be infinitely proud of yourself in every important decision you make.
I want you to be infinitely proud of yourself in every challenge you overcome.
I want you to be infinitely proud of yourself in every important step that was not easy for you at first.
Every time you have forgiven someone.
Whenever you resist guilteven though they are offered to you on a silver platter.
Whenever you don't allow yourself every stupid thought, and not paying attention to every bad feeling and stopping the drama.
Every time you don't feel sorry for yourself (although you would have every reason to, if you look at the circumstances).
Every time you don't complain, don't scold, don't complain, just do look positively, hopefully into the future- in spite of all odds.
Whenever you pull things off, don't give up at the slightest difficulty, stick with it, even when others don't feel like it anymore.
Every time if you don't put up with everything, although fear warns you that something bad will happen if you don't take part (or here you have to be about 1 million more proud of yourself.)
Every time you refuse to compare yourself and choose to to find yourself beautiful.
Whenever you put an end to excuses and compromises, and tidy up in your life.
Every time you the emotional swamp leaves.
Every time if you don't let yourself goalthough passivity would be the easiest solution.
Everything that takes place behind the closed doors, where no one shouts “WOW!”, Where no one is standing by, and it checks the very, very inconspicuous - IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.
You can be proud of your talent or your accomplishments, this is definitely a good start.
(By the way: Being proud of your appearance is a bit low, because you can't really do anything about it, and if you do, you should rather be on the performance of the cosmetic surgeon;)).
I also want you to be proud of yourself as a person and your kind: the way you express things, the way you laugh, what you like, and how you tick - just about YOU.
„But Joanna, I can't be proud of myself because there's a lot I can't do, even though I should.“
3. Resist weighing up: what works / what doesn't work.
If I waited until everything was going perfectly and only then would I be proud of myself, then I would still think in the grave that I had forgotten to sort through all the documents before I died.
I can ensure you:
As soon as you even try to be proud of yourself, the devil will give you twelve hundred memories detailing the areas where you are doing badly.
Yeah, it works fine, but do you remember? The other day you failed as a mother.
Okay, maybe you did a great job on this job, but do you have enough friends? And what do your drawers look like?
Nothing is too insignificant, stupid, or inappropriate to drag you down from your enthusiasm for yourself.
It is also clear:
Once you are proud of yourself, you appear completely different, you have a completely different charisma, a different gait, a different assertiveness, you are convinced of yourself and what you are doing - that's why he always wants to prevent that.
I never set a benchmark for myself or my performance before I'm proud of myself - nobody can be that stupid!
That doesn't mean that I hide everything that is not running, but ... oh, I hide it.
I am simply much more aware of what is beautiful and good than what is not so beautiful and not so good.
Otherwise you will at some point have a problem awareness instead of self-awareness, and that is extremely power-wrenching.
But only from a healthy self-confidence comes the energy to tackle and change the areas that are not running - it does not come from feelings of guilt or pressure, not from feeling bad (“I'll definitely do it better next time!”) Or To regret.
Do you know how i would do it
Every time something is presented to you in the right way, where you have supposedly failed and you can't get it - I would be extra and doubly proud of myself, and the loser - who are you - what can you do - feeling like that properly refuse.
I would be proud of myself because I am there.
„But Joanna, how does it work: be proud of yourself because there is one?“
4. Because you exist.
There is one area where you always do best.
Something in which you are absolutely unrivaled.
Something that nobody can hold a candle to, no matter how hard they try and copy everything and compete with you.
And this is:
Of course, most of us do the exact same thing:
We get up in the morning, have breakfast, play with the kids, go to work, eat lunch, hug a friend, get carrots, joke, and fill up the car.
But the way we do it: These are Welteeeeeen!
You can design your morning exactly how YOU want it: it is YOUR life, YOUR way, YOUR time.
You can make it as beautiful, as happy, as relaxed or as energetic as YOU are: suitable for YOU, reflecting YOU.
You can furnish your apartment, you can talk to your work colleagues, you can laugh and dance, and tackle things, and overcome difficulties, and dare new things, and watch series, and go shopping at the market and eat your favorite ice cream, and a million things do that others do too.
But they never do it like you do!
Life is never about things or experiences - it's all about people.
People can use things and experience experiences, but HOW they do it is very individual and very, very beautiful.
So I want you to start enjoying and proud of how you are and how you live.
You may not know that exactly yet, but that's no problem at all: figuring it out is at least as fun as knowing it already.
Maybe you don't even think that what you are and how you live is so beautiful. That's not bad either.
Then you change that bit by bit.
And you are proud of yourself with EVERY single millimeter-sized step.
(Hopefully not everyone will notice it at once, because then you can enjoy point 2 a little longer.)
Spoiler: you'll get to know yourself and find out who you are all your life - so the fun never stops.
In any case, it is essential that you - if you actually take my words seriously, and not just nod in agreement - regularly reassure yourself that you are doing everything great (by everything I mean: life) and how proud you are of yourself are.
That sounds a bit weird at first, but in fact it is NOT weird to do and also self-sabotage par excellence.
So you will - ideally in the car or wherever else you are alone - regularly and audibly assure yourself (for some reason speaking is more effective than just thinking and about a thousandfold! I would use whatever works!) How incredibly proud you're on yourself
Very, very proud.
You can be sure:
Every time you actually implement it, and not just read it in agreement, someone else is extremely proud of you, namely ...
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