Why is it hard to accept the past
How to accept another person's past
Last update: January 27, 2017
We all have our story. We may not always be proud of everything we've done, or even feel ashamed of some things. It may be that we just don't want to talk about certain things in order to avoid being judged by others. And that's right. After all, not everyone is able to accept someone else's past.
This is especially tricky when it comes to relationships and the partner's sexual past. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, it is often the case that one encounters prejudices or difficulties relating to the partner's past.
Why do we find it so difficult to accept other people's pasts? We all have our own and we know that the past is gone. Why don't we feel that way with others? If we can put the past behind us, if we can change, doesn't it make sense that others can too?
Forgive to forgive
Many people find it difficult to accept the past of others because they themselves have remorse about their past. You have not yet managed to leave the past behind and forgive yourself for anything. That is, there is something about the other person that reminds them of things they want to leave behind. Something we'd like to forget. Therefore, they punish the other person for their mistakes.
Forgiving ourselves not only allows us to live more relaxed, but also enables us to interact better with others. It gives us the opportunity to grow side by side with others and live more fulfilling lives.
When it comes to accepting our partner's sexual past, other elements come into play. One of them is jealousy, which usually arises from insecurity and low self-esteem.
It can also happen that for many people dreams break when they discover the sexual past of their partner, for someone from the past tainted their ideal relationship. Some people think that their dreams can no longer come true, or they feel insecure thinking about their partner being with other people in the past.
This is so because we tend to have an idealized image of love. When we are attracted to someone, we love the thought of love that we have created in our heads. But building a relationship doesn't mean finding someone who fits exactly into our heads, like an actor in a casting for a play.
The problem with what people say
There is another factor. Some people cannot accept other people's pasts because they are afraid of what other people will say if they associate it with themselves. This happens in both romantic and social relationships. Fear of being rejected by others can make us build a protective wall to avoid problems.
But this is nothing more than a mind game, an excuse for not accepting reality so as not to have to face our fears. We cannot always just think about what others are saying and thereby give up our freedom and individuality.
We cannot judge another person based on what others think as if we were all part of the same head. We need to feel free and give ourselves the opportunity to get to know the other person.
We can never judge the lives of others because everyone only knows their own pain and resignation. One thing is to assume that someone is on the right track; another is to assume that this is the only right path.
Learn to get to know and trust others
We can't change what happened, but we can change our attitudes. That applies to us and to others. So it is very important that we focus on getting to know the other person.
Our past makes us who we are. All of our experiences, setbacks, failures, mistakes, bad decisions, everything that has hurt us - it makes us grow and makes us stronger. Difficulties also have the potential to improve.
Don't judge the other person
Many aspects of another person's past that are difficult for us to accept are not embarrassing for the other person. She can even be proud of them. We simply disagree or these aspects do not fit our values or our vision of the future.
Nobody is perfect. You can already tell when you look at yourself. If you don't want others to judge you for something that doesn't fit their scheme, then don't do it with others either.
In any case, your judgment is nothing more than an opinion, your opinion a castle in the air. If you want to live a full and interesting life, you need to get over it and give yourself the chance to hit the ground with your feet.
Learn to accept and learn to change
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