Everyone just loves their life

Me instead of us: How to stay yourself in a long-term relationship

Do you also know these couples who are always just "us"? And this kind of grown-up being, a double sweetheart on four legs, so to speak, annoys everyone, doesn't it? Nevertheless, it has certainly happened to each of us at one point or another that in a relationship we totally gave up on ourselves.

And it was clear to us at the moment, or at the latest when the relationship failed, that this was not very healthy for us. And only if you have experienced it first hand, with yourself or a friend, you will certainly pay more attention from then on not to lose yourself just because you love your partner so much and want to please him.

But how do you keep your distance and pay attention to your own freedoms when you love the other so much that it almost hurts? Here are a few tips for just such pairs of we-brackets.

Tip 1: Love needs closeness AND distance

Sometimes you love your partner so much that you want to crawl into them. And especially when you are not feeling well, you hardly want to let your loved one go. But that's not healthy.

Every partnership needs the right mix of closeness and distance. And every person also has a different definition of closeness. Both partners have to compare them with each other. And only those who think similarly will be permanently happy with each other. Especially those who are together for longer will notice: Distance is important.

Even if you know each other inside out: Maintain a certain remaining distance. This has nothing to do with a lack of intimacy or reserve, but is a basic instinct that every person should have. Simply to protect yourself a little, to find your center and to act from this center. Anyone who is calm and at peace with themselves is definitely a better relationship partner than a little spider monkey.

Also read: From household to offspring: the 4 biggest relationship problems and how to cope with them

Tip 2: don't forget your friends

It may be that everything is better with him. Even better than with your good friends. Talking on the phone, cooking together, drinking a glass of wine in a bar, dancing or going to the cinema and whatever else.

And it may be that on every occasion he is your absolute favorite cast that simply no girlfriend or boyfriend can match. Nonetheless, you should do things without him and with your friends. Because friendships also want to be cultivated.

At some point after a couple of years of relationship you are otherwise there and no longer have your own circle of friends because everyone threw in the towel in exasperation because you were only with your partner.

And quite honestly: As great as it is - we shouldn't miss the input and inspiration and the new ideas and food for thought that different people give us in our lives. Really not. Especially since you take these new impulses and ideas with you into your relationship. And that too inspires and brings a breath of fresh air to the partnership.

Also read:5 things that destroy even the strongest relationship and why you do them anyway

Tip 3: He loves you for who you are

If he raves about his friend's girlfriend, how much she knows about music and about American cult comis, then stay calm and don't rush off straight away to make yourself a media professional too. Let it be good. He fell in love with you and not the comic book lover. The way you are.

You are welcome to be inspired by his interests, but don't make yourself a relationship shameleon and pretend to be him. Whoever takes on all hobbies and ways of thinking of his partner shows only one thing: that he himself has no real core, but that he is just the little "appendage of XY".

Also read: Where did the butterflies go? This is how you save your relationship!

Tip 4: take time for yourself

Each of us also needs a life of our own. Spending every minute together is not good in the long run. You know that, but it still happens (sometimes out of exuberant love, sometimes out of comfort) that we see our partner all the time and hardly do anything alone. So why pull yourself up on your own when your partner is lying so lazily on the sofa or why invite your girlfriend over for coffee when the boyfriend is already there? Not correct.

There was a life BEFORE your relationship and you can't just give it up. It may be comfortable to watch Tatort on the sofa every Sunday evening, but hey: Do you seriously want to keep doing this for the next 20 years of your relationship? So, go out and live your life and come back to your loved one and tell him with sparkling eyes what impressed you. This will enrich both of you immensely.

Even more tips for long-term relationships:

Is that tingling missing? 6 tips to keep the long-term relationship exciting

Get out of the relationship routine: this is how you seduce your partner

Tips against boredom: This is how you bring momentum into the relationship

You can find tons of other relationship tips here.

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