How should you accept your stepmother

Tips for blended families 5 mistakes you should NEVER make as a stepmother

1. Mistake you shouldn't make as a stepmother: Talking badly about your birth mother

Whether an amicable separation or not: For your stepchildren, the biological mother is and will remain their “mom”. As a result, loyalty conflicts are not infrequently preprogrammed - and it is precisely these that must be avoided out of consideration for the children's feelings. Rules that prevail with mom, agreements that your partner and ex-partner have made, happenings in the maternal household ... none of these are topics for you to comment on. In the best case scenario, the biological parents have already found a way to talk to and deal with each other beforehand.

2. Mistakes not to be made as a stepmother: Trying to replace the birth mother

Stepmother remains stepmother - and that's a good thing. After all, there are advantages to being in this position. You can establish your own way of dealing with your stepchild. And that is initially completely free of classic educational requirements. After all, this is what the mother is there for, as long as there is contact with her!

In other words, if you try to replace your stepchildren's biological mother, you are likely to encounter resistance. Better: give your stepchildren time to accept you as a stepmother - and also to learn to love the advantages of this position.

3. Mistakes not to be made as a stepmother: Interfering too much in upbringing

Your stepchild misbehaved - and with your own child you wouldn't hesitate and take action? Well, the relationship with your stepchild is different. This also includes leaving some educational measures to the biological parents. Also so as not to undermine their authority or to question them through other measures.

Better: discuss with your partner how you want to proceed in such situations. Be sensitive to your family's needs. Your role as a stepmother will change over time - and so will your relationship with your stepchild.

By the way: How do you survive as a stepmother? Our author explains it!

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4. Mistakes you shouldn't make as a stepmother: Prefer your own children or stepchildren

Do you have a new boyfriend and you each bring your own children into the relationship? Or does your partner have several children with whom you get on differently? No matter what the constellation is: If you prefer one of the children, this could lead to problems. Children are sensitive and immediately sense when one is “more popular” than the other. In the worst case, the preferred child will take advantage of their position - and ultimately you will drive a wedge between the (step) siblings.

Better: live equality. Whether it is gifts, praise or blame, everything should be evenly distributed. Incidentally, this also applies to the time you spend with individual family members.

5. Mistakes that you shouldn't make as a stepmother: Don't try to be “perfect” (shhh: not possible!).

Do you live in a blended family, have stress with your stepchild, your partner's ex is causing problems and in general everything is going badly? Now let's be honest: In which family is it perfect? Just ...

Better: Actively create a great family environment. For example, by including the rest of the family in the design of the shared apartment or everyday life. Those who have good experiences together also grow together as a family!

By the way: To keep your relationship strong, it could help to rely on simple tips from happy couples. Which? You can see that in the following video ...