What if you fail in romantic relationships
A breakup doesn't mean you have failed
Last update: April 27, 2019
Breakups are painful for everyone involved. However, if you are the person who is being abandoned, it can be even more difficult for you because you don't have a chance to make up your mind. As a result, you may interpret the breakup as a failure on your part and feel a sense of destructive guilt. However, you should know that breaking up doesn't mean you have failed.
This sense of personal failure is heightened when a third person is involved in the situation. The temptation to compare yourself to the other person is great, which makes you feel worse. Ultimately, the breakup wears out your self-esteem enormously. We want to go into that in more detail now.
Breaking up doesn't mean you have failed, especially if you really felt indebted to the other person.
Breakups are painful
Why does it hurt so much when it comes to a breakup? It makes perfect sense that the end of a relationship is painful, especially if it wasn't your decision and you still want to be with the other person. Nevertheless, a lot comes into play in a separationprecisely because you undergo very intimate changes while being part of a romantic couple.
When choosing a partner, it is not by chance that you are doing it. Something about the other person draws you, something draws you towards this person. You feel connected to him and wish you a relationship. At this moment you let the other see and feel that you have the hope of getting a positive answer and that leaves you vulnerable.
If everything goes well and you harmonize with each other, you switch to the honeymoon phase. That doesn't happen after the wedding, but at the beginning of the relationship. During this phase, you are so excited about the other person that you just admire them and everything that has to do with them. You have the feeling that you have found your "soul mate" and are simply in love with both ears.
This honeymoon phase, when you've just fallen in love with someone, can be so magical that when the relationship ends, it pulls the rug out from under your feet. You then do not know what to do with your overflowing emotions and you are desperately looking for ways to stay together with your great love. You could even resort to behaviors that show you lack self-esteem by humiliating yourself in order to stay with your partner.
There are many factors that influence your behavior. Most of them, however, stem from your terrible fear of being alone. Most of us have irrational beliefs when it comes to love. When we feel lonely, we feel empty and scared because we don't know what to do with this feeling. Sometimes this leads to us doing things that only harm us in the long term.
Why do you feel empty
The emptiness you feel when someone leaves you comes from the idea that you need someone else to feel fulfilled. However, this is a serious mistake. If you think like this, you are placing a responsibility on the other person that they cannot live up to. Your personal fulfillment is only your responsibility and no one else.
When you rely on other people to feel good about yourself, you are laying weak foundations for your relationship. It's one thing to be comfortable with it, but another to rely on it to make you feel good too. When you put yourself in this position, you deprive yourself of all security. That can bring even the strongest relationship to an early end.
If you want to develop a mature and conscious relationship, you need two complete and independent people. A relationship is just not a connection between two incomplete people. A healthy relationship is much more like dancing the tango. Both dancers need to know their role, cannot rely solely on the other to take the next step. If you watch as an outsider, however, you see a harmonious dance that inspires the bystanders.
Likewise, the secret of a lasting relationship lies in the fact that both partners maintain their individual identity. You shouldn't become someone else just because you're in a relationship. Both partners have to take responsibility for their actions and give what they can give to the other. Both people can love each other intensely and sincerely, but in the way that most satisfies them.
A breakup doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Maybe you did, but maybe you didn't. The most important thing is that your relationship doesn't stop you from being who you really are.
If you've really invested in the relationship, the end of it doesn't mean you have failed
If you really give everything in your relationship, you will feel even more connected to the other person because your actions reflect what you think and feel. Getting to this point can be difficult, however, as you need to open up to it and may be afraid that your partner will make fun of you, hurt you, or leave you.
If you want to overcome this fear, you have to understand that breaking up is not the worst thing in the world. The biggest mistake is not the separation in and of itself. The biggest mistake is investing time in a relationship that doesn't make you happy or that holds you back in any way.
If you have invested fully and authentically in a relationship, if you have really given it your all, and your partner has left you anyway, it does not mean that you have failed. Why not? Because you were fully committed and involved. In other words, the simple fact of being in the relationship was reward enough because that was what you really wanted. You didn't stay in the relationship because you were afraid of being alone. This is a win, not a failure.
A breakup doesn't mean that if you did your best, you failed.
We shouldn't judge couples by how long they've been together, or whether or not they stay together. If the other person is unable to be part of the relationship like you were, they may fail because of that. Or maybe you and your partner just weren't compatible with each other. In either case, your worth as a person does not change. This breakup doesn't mean you failed because you did your best at the end of the day.
„What we once enjoyed and loved, we can never lose. Everything we love becomes part of us. "
Helen KellerYou might be interested in ...
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