Why did I stop feeling something

Helper's Syndrome: Why some women always want to help

There are women who simply want to help anytime and anywhere. How you often harm yourself with it and why you should stop now. Bye, helper syndrome!

I'm telling the story of a woman, let's call her Lisa. She is the type of woman who is always there for others. If you have a concern on Saturday night, all you have to do is dial her number and she will listen. When you go out to eat pizza with Lisa, you can almost always leave your wallet in your pocket. "Oh stop it! I invite you!" - she just always means well. Mostly too good, however. Not with yourself, but more so with others. When Lisa tries to pull her banknotes out of the purse at the pizzeria, it seems as if she wants to justify her existence by paying other people who are actually her friends for the pizza.

Your relationships with men are also not fulfilling. Strange, actually, because Lisa is very empathetic. So much so that sometimes she can literally feel for herself what others are feeling. And she also has something like a sixth sense of what others need right now. The view of their own needs is quickly clouded, because Lisa doesn't really think that's that important. Sometimes she doesn't really know what's good for her anymore. People like Lisa have often had traumatic experiences themselves and had to take responsibility for others at an early age. You have learned to “sense” the needs of others. Often to protect yourself.

In everyday life, however, such behavior patterns are not necessary - and certainly not useful. In practice, Lisa often finds herself in the Role of a supposed therapist finds again. Be it when one guy cries over his ex-girlfriends or when someone else fails to get his stoner problem under control. Lisa no longer understands the world. What else can she do to get back what she gives?

There is only one answer to that: nothing at all.
Because it doesn't make anything better. Not for the men, and certainly not for Lisa.

Constant helping and being good to others becomes a problem

If she drags her new boyfriend straight to the drug advisor, or writes him applications despite his stoner problem, or gives tips to an old crush on how to get over his oh-so-dreamy ex, you might think that she is the mother of these men whose duty it is to help a little boy. For the needy lords of creation is this Mothering on the one hand convenient. However, the crux of the matter is that they are whole men too not respected can feel when they are constantly being petted and patronized. With Lisa, on the other hand, this causes disappointment, because she is so committed to the others, they take it for granted and Lisa does not return the love and thanks that she expects.

Of course, that doesn't mean that helping is bad - not at all! On the contrary, it is part of a relationship. But it's about a balance between give and take to find. Because when helping becomes an addiction, it is often also about not having to look at your own problems. And it is much better to be honest with yourself and others, to perceive and respect your own needs - and to communicate these to others. Setting healthy boundaries is the basis for healthy relationships to succeed.

So, girls: if you feel addressed, start right away.Be good to yourself and only then to others - then so are the others.

Photo credit: (c) iStock / loveischiangrai