Why am I invisible

∙ ◦ • Psychotherapy forum • ◦ ∙

I'm kind of invisible - even with friends. Why?

Post Sun Jul 13, 2014 3:50 pm


I have a problem: Although I am actually a communicative person, have a girlfriend and a stable circle of friends, it is becoming more and more apparent to me that other people hardly notice me and that I am sometimes downright ignored and overlooked - by colleagues, acquaintances and strangers. When I say something in groups (e.g. colleagues or friends), my words somehow have little weight. Either there is no reaction at all or there is a nice smile or only very brief comments. If someone else in the group says exactly the same thing again in other words, everyone listens and celebrates him for it. Example: A group of friends discusses which pub to meet in. I propose a store, but no one is really taken with my idea. If someone else in the group suggests a pub, everyone is immediately enthusiastic. Or when it comes to friends who want to go to the lake on the weekend. I say "I" out loud but no one reacts properly. It's only when a few other friends say they're coming with you that they're all excited and happy. Or I ask my group of friends whether we want to go to the park together in the evening. No or only sparing reactions. If someone else in the circle asks the same thing, everyone is thrilled. I just can't get people excited and carried away.

Another observation is that I feel like somehow no one wants to be alone with me. Example from above with the pub: If I am the only one who accepts, the person who came up with the idea usually no longer wants. If someone else agrees instead of me, the two of them only go out in pairs. And I always have the feeling that I can never "hold" people on my own. Example: I'm sitting in a bar with two friends. Suddenly one of them gets up and wants to go home. Then it is immediately "no, you mustn't go yet, stay another half an hour", etc. If the buddy cannot be persuaded to stay, the other buddy suddenly wants to go home too, although I clearly signal that I have yet to go would like to stay. If, on the other hand, I get up first and want to leave, the other two like to stay seated and continue together. So somehow I have no attraction at all. And: If I want to persuade my buddy to stay, I almost never succeed - other friends, on the other hand, can do it easily. Your words just have more weight.

And my third observation: I am never the center of attention in groups - even in my own circle of friends. If we sit down at a long table with several people in the restaurant, I'm guaranteed to always sit in the most uninteresting place, while everyone gathers around another "human magnet". No matter where I sit, the most interesting people are grouped elsewhere. I'm always the one who has to "hike" in the course of the evening to talk to interesting people. Or do I go to the disco with two friends, at some point the two just talk to each other, take photos with girls and I somehow stand there stupid and can take the photos. Somehow I'm always there and not in the middle of it. Only when I make myself a clown, tell embarrassing stories about myself or play the clumsy do I get noticed. But that can't be the solution either. It's also very exciting to watch in your circle of friends: occasionally they just forget to invite me to activities. I have the feeling that I always have to actively take care of it myself and always have to ask whether something is planned. Only then do I often find out that everyone goes to the cinema in the evening. In the meantime, I compensate for this by simply planning a lot of activities with friends, so I'm always there automatically. Here, however, the next problem arises, that I sometimes have the feeling that I am almost annoying my friends and being too pushy. Sometimes I even really believe that my group of friends is sometimes cool and distant towards me. Maybe therefore?

And fourth observation: I never attract strangers. Even when I walk through the streets with a big, satisfied grin, smile at people, or have a lot of fun on the dance floor with friends in the disco. I'm never looked at while my two buddies on the dance floor are being dug up and danced to by women? I'm kind of air. Why?

Well, now it's a lot more text than I intended. does any of you have an idea what I can do so that I can simply be more noticed? that really burdens me a lot and makes me more and more insecure and sensitive, which is what I actually don't want.

Thanks in advance.