How can I control my sister's anger

Divide care of parents among siblings

Many Germans take care of relatives in need of care, mostly their own parents. However, sharing the responsibility of caregiving among the siblings can become a controversial topic if questions such as “who does what, when and how?” Cannot be easily clarified. How should care be organized and where do you even start the dialogue? In order to achieve a harmonious cooperation between siblings, it takes a little time, because the planning requires some compromises. So you can organize the care of your loved ones step by step without much stress.

1. Be forward-thinking and talk to your siblings

Before the acute need for care by your own parents occurs, you should have discussed with your siblings in advance how to handle the emergency. This can help to keep a cool head in a crisis. It reduces the potential for conflict and provides security. If you want to talk to your siblings about the need for care from their parents, keep the conversation as simple as possible at the beginning and involve all siblings. It is best to plan a meeting that everyone can attend in person and not just over the phone. If you don't live in the same city, why not use the next family celebration as an opportunity to arrange a meeting - provided you have enough privacy and time for the topic. The aim is to develop a team mentality with your siblings. Of course, other close relatives can also be included.

2. Be aware of your parents' needs

Take the time to think about what suits your parents' needs and how best to meet them. Always keep in mind that this is not just a single conversation, but an ongoing dialogue between you, your siblings, and your parents. The more familiar there are, the better. Because every person recognizes different things that are important and may uncover areas that have not yet been considered.

3. Get your parents involved

Talk to your parents as early as possible to include their input in the decision-making process. You should make this step as sensitive as possible and perhaps consult a close family friend or the doctor treating you. Parents may be more cooperative when it is not just their own children bringing up the issue.

4. Allocation of tasks and responsibilities

Once the parents have been spoken to and their needs are clearly stated, responsibilities can be shared within the family. Depending on personal abilities, time capacities and interests. For example, a person should be responsible for contracts and other paperwork to avoid confusion. The car service among the siblings can, however, rotate monthly. Don't forget to include the grandchildren too. Perhaps your children would also like to do their part and take care of grandpa or grandpa by running small errands or errands. This can give the children valuable memories and strengthen family ties.

5. Plan the communication

Schedule regular phone calls, Skype meetings or face-to-face meetings with your siblings - even if it's only a few minutes. This strengthens the cohesion between the carers and is ideal for exchanging experiences. Always be honest, open and direct. If you are overwhelmed or you dislike certain things, speak up as early as possible to avoid a build-up of emotions.

6. Support each other in looking after each other

Grooming sometimes seems like a thankless job. Support one another and motivate one another. Also understand that sometimes your siblings approach things differently than you might, and learn to accept that. Even if there are disputes among siblings or caregivers, this should not affect the quality of your parents' care. Try not to get confused by differences of opinion and focus on what matters: taking care of your beloved parents!

7. Be flexible

With all of the planning, don't forget that there are also unpredictable events that can mess up the best plan. Be ready to fill in for your brother out on a weekend getaway or in case your sister is in bed with the flu. Your parents' needs can change too. Perhaps your mother had no problems with the shopping before, but now she needs help with the errands. Be vigilant and respond to your parent's changing needs accordingly.

8. Realize that care will never be shared fairly

Reality shows that certain responsibilities are simply not comparable. Perhaps it can also happen that a sibling does not want to participate at all. It may be possible to find strategies or ways to include them anyway. However, you may also have to accept that you are not getting the support you want from your siblings. A senior carer can support you and help you in everyday life.

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